And if you think I must have done something pretty serious to anger the Lt. Col. this much, you would be correct. No, she is not accusing me of any marital improprieties. No adultery, no abuse, and certainly no abandonment. Those of you who know me well are aware that I’ve loved, adored, and been as romantic and supportive as I think any male could be. I’ve been the biggest cheerleader in her career efforts and have done everything possible to help enhance her progress over the years. But, she’ll tell you that the stick that broke the camel’s back was me being behind on taking care of income taxes and having to pay a large amount of penalties and interest. She was never there to help me with home chores like taxes, etc. . . . but that was all irrelevant to her. In fact, she'd often make it difficult for me to work on home chores by piling on items to a never ending "honey do" list. But again, this was no excuse in her mind for my tardiness on our taxes.

Yes . . . I lost some money to Uncle Sam through negligence. I screwed up big time and have worked to correct my tardiness. I could make excuses, but I won’t. I have time and again apologized profusely and have begged her for forgiveness. I had arranged and attended counselling on my own and she has also attended alone, at my request and after much urging. I thought we were finally going together to the counselor’s office for the beginning of work toward reconciliation on the day that she told me she was leaving. What a huge disappointment that day turned out to be for me. My heart could not have been more broken.

And I know, you don’t believe Keri abandoned our marriage, emptied our bank accounts, and absconded all our valuable possessions during my birthday week just because of my tardiness with the IRS. Well, you’re not unlike most. I don’t believe it, and everyone I’ve finally shared my burden with who knows her doesn’t believe it either. Without fail, each and every one has asked a similar question, “OK, what was really going on here.” Keri has been getting bad advice from someone who has had her attention and affections since sometime in 2014. I began to notice an increasingly cold, distant, and hostile person in the body of the woman we all knew to normally be kind and gentle. I was becoming more grateful than ever to have someone else around for a time (like her Mom, her girlfriend, or family members), because it was the only time Keri would treat me like she used to, with kindness and respect. When we were alone, it was a whole different story. There were increasingly unkind remarks directed toward me and illogical attempts to stir up trouble between us. No matter how much I continued to do for her, she increasingly seemed to want to pick fights, belittle me, and incite discontent in our home. She became more and more demanding in what she wanted done around the house, what she needed me to accomplish in town, and what she expected of me by the time she got back home from a particular trip. But at the same time, she drew further and further away from our relationship and would do nothing for me at all. I normally did most of the cooking throughout our relationship. Like her mother, Keri liked to eat out more than have meals together at home. She never was one to cook things that I really enjoyed eating, but it got even worse during this turmoil in that she would more and more often prepare things she knew I didn’t eat (like Indian cuisine) and not even offer an alternative. In fact, it got to the point that we didn’t even eat together at home anymore when we were alone. This was happening while I continued to prepare dishes for her and her family/guests that she loved and could consume because I would always prepare them gluten free.

And yes . . . all intimacy was gone from the marriage. There has not been any normal marital relations since the fall of 2014. Lack of sex is bad enough, but it was the lack of any and all intimacy that was destroying me inside little by little. She forbid me from entering the bedroom. There was no more cuddling in the morning. I’ve been sleeping on the couch (now gone) since returning from Aspen over the 2014 Christmas holidays. She hasn’t let me hold her hand. She pulled away whenever I went to hug her goodbye. And I can’t tell you the emotional pain of never being kissed anymore. I was told in May, on our 15th wedding anniversary (after I took her out to dinner with 15 red roses waiting on the restaurant’s table), that I “wasn’t even much of a man.” It didn’t seem to faze her between sips of wine what she had just said to me with clinched teeth. She tried to get me into a physical altercation on the way out of the restaurant that anniversary night. She screamed at me the entire way home telling me how we couldn't even get along on our anniversary. It was during the period preceding those 2014 Christmas holidays that I noticed she had begun to disappear more and more to make phone calls. Keri also started the new habit of keeping her phone on silent and always within her reach. When she did put it down on some surface rather than in her pocket or purse, it was now always turned face down. She continued, as she had for years, to text, play word with friends, etc. . . . but now it was all void of any interactions with me. She’d change apps when I walked near. She’d laugh about something she’d just read or seen, but then refuse to share it with me. She became increasingly secretive and suspiciously deceptive day by day. I did begin to research and I did begin to track her movements after I was beat down to a point that I didn’t know what else to do. I had to find out what was going on that changed her personality 180 degrees. It’s not the right time to divulge all that finally came to light, but needless to say, I discovered that there was and is someone else in Keri’s life. I caught her red handed very close to Valentine’s Day. I have the document trail. It was devastating to find out and even more hurtful to witness. It has forever burned my trust in pretty much everyone, and I’m afraid it will cause Keri considerable backlash in both her personal and professional life beginning very soon.

But through it all, I still held out hope for reconciliation with the woman I had dreamed of spending the rest of my life with. As I mentioned, I set up and attended counseling. I begged forgiveness for my mishandling of our finances and I asked that she attend marriage counseling as well. It now appears the only reason she gave in and went to counseling was to convince herself she was justified in dissolving our marriage and to learn to forgive herself of all her infidelities. In our almost two decades together, I’ve rarely told Keri no about anything. Trips, kids, money, family, travel . . . I can and will go into much more detail some other time, but I really did comply with every wish she ever had with respect to material things, family, and her friends. I’m the one who hosted her family often . . . sometimes without her even being around. Yes, I’m talking about some of the same people who actively participated in stringing me along and deceiving me these last few months; people who were quite aware of the plan to take advantage of my trusting nature and a work schedule that takes me out of town often. It is well known that I did as much as anyone could for Keri and her family. I, along with some dear friends, put on a promotion party for her that is still talked about. I romanced her, wined and dined her, surprised her regularly, and remained faithful, loyal, and giving to her and her family. I worked for months with her friends and family to put on that epic surprise 40th birthday party. I thought it was a huge success, only to be reminded often that Keri felt I did that only for my personal desire to entertain my own friends. Never mind that dozens of her friends, her family, and her colleagues were all there and in the vast majority, she continued to make that unbelievably baseless claim. This hurtful narrative was a big shot to my heart, especially hearing that over and over in the weeks following the 40th birthday surprise event. That was indeed a huge red flag that I should have given more notice to. Yes, I did make some mental, behavioral, and emotional changes after that heartbreaking accusation, but not nearly enough to sufficiently protect myself from what was to follow in the coming years.

I guess I should have seen the signs a long time ago. As much as I did with Keri and her family, she never had much time for me and mine. Only once in the whole time we were together did she visit with my parents without me, and that was only because her job took her within a 50 minute drive of their home. I think about the many times I drove alone for hours to join some of her folks for various events and often just to visit for no particular reason. Whether it was to take her brother skiing or to eat chicken wings with her nephew, I drove from the NYC area often to join her family over four hours away in upstate NY. I once drove many more hours from Rutland, VT to watch and film her brother run a marathon. There have been occasions that I’ve driven to visit with her parents in different areas we happened to be in at the same time. But she wouldn’t even sacrifice a day to attend my aunt’s funeral. She never had time to show my Dad and my brother (who is a licensed commercial pilot) around the base where she worked and the C-17 aircraft that she flies. I begged her over the years because I knew how excited and interested my Dad and little brother would be to see the airplane and even the simulator. She was always able to arrange tours for her family out there. Some of them even got to fly the simulator, something I never got to do; never any time for her to host me. Many of her family got the royal treatment, including guided tours by some of her enlisted men. Even her uncles and their girlfriends/wives got first class tours . . . but never time for my Dad, who loves her and was always very proud of her . . . and never any time for my brother, a fellow aviator. Understand, these are but a miniscule sampling of a long-time, lopsided, and duplicitous relationship we shared with each other’s families. I really should have seen the red flags a long time ago.

Of course there is more to this sad story. There are a lot more bits of soiled laundry that could be hung out by both of us, I’m sure. My perspective on the things that hurt Keri are different than her perspective. Her perspective on the things that broke me down little by little are different than my perspective of those very same things. Actions have consequences. Actions often create reactions. Relationships are complicated things and failed relationships are like plane crashes . . . it’s never just about one thing. The crash is always found to be caused by a series of interconnected missteps, poor judgment, and erroneous actions that create an unstoppable domino effect. There is not enough time here to analyze each white spot on the tumbled dominos, and I am certainly under no obligation to explain anything . . . not really . . . not just yet.